i held off

[and i'm glad i did].

i held off from posting about the beginning.

because if i didn't, the last blog would've been titled:

UNFAMILIAR.

i would have gone on about the

sticky hotel carpets.

daycare.

theology class.

freaking out because this tiny hotel room reminds me of

the tiny apartment in hk and the tiny room we are proabably

going to return to.

[shallow, i know. but it's the truth].

i waited. and i'm glad i did. because i am on the other side of those earlier feelings.

we're at training. joining a new organization.

new for us, that is.

daytona beach.

but why does it always have to be the unfamiliar.

it's what gets me.

gets my attention.

gets my contentment.

gets my mood.

BUT i'm thinking maybe that's just it.

He knows that about me.

He knows that's what brings me to my knees.

so then it's my choice.

i can zoom in and keep my miniature perspective and pitch a fit

OR

i can trust

usually the first happens until i am [and then i make scott] miserable.

it must be why we're staying on the beach for 5 weeks.

reminder to zoom out.

look up at the ocean. and how it goes on for what looks like forever.

talk about perspective.

speaking of, i have been praying to get perspective.

specifically in our time here, specifically from someone with about 3 kids who's moving to east asia like us. what? i'm picky? oh.

i'm thinking "wouldn't that be nice. just so i can see that people are doing it. they're moving overseas and it's doable. not only that but maybe they even like it. or love it?".

of course you know what happens next.

it's the woman who leads my "small group".

what'd you say? does she have 3 kids?

try SEVEN. seven kids. and she's been living in east asia and headed back there again.

i know, right? it's like God is in control or something.

so i asked the woman.

i said "how do you even get to that place where you are? of such contentment in moving your family of 9 across the world?"

she laughed as if that was the most trivial question and said "my life is His anyway. why would i do anything different?"

it stuck. it is still sticking with me.

why would i do anything different?